It never goes away

From Upcoming Collection. “The Uncharted Mind” by Shon Mehta

You are little, just a baby, and butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You do not understand.

“What is happening?” you ask, but your inexperienced mind can’t explain.

You can’t ask others – you don’t know, not yet, how to put it in words.

You grow up, and now you have learned many words for it.

But you have also learned not to talk about it.

Living your life has become daunting … exhausting.

Your family worries, so you pretend to be alright.

You gather courage and talk to those who will listen.

Sometimes they don’t judge, they try to empathise.

They try hard, but they fail.

You feel more frustrated, more lonely.

It never goes away,

You are high and happy, then you think of it, and slowly your happiness fades.

You are low and sad, and you feel relieved.

You know it is going to happen, you can’t help but feel this way.

It gets suppressed, but it is there.

You are afraid, cautious, for you know it is going to resurface,

When you are least expecting.

Like a beast lurking at the edge, ready to pull you into the dark abyss.

It strikes in that one unsuspecting moment.

You don’t want to kill yourself,

Because it will hurt the people you love.

But you really really … really wish you never existed.

Then one day you stand against it.

Whether you like it or not, you are here … you exist.

If everything is meaningless, then why should you be afraid.

So you decide to fight … to write…

But this dread never goes away.