Thinking Out Loud: Inner Tranquility and Self-Discovery
http://www.shonmehta.com
This year has been special to me.
It has been special not due to any “worldly” achievement, but for my getting closer to my inner self.
Ever since I remember, I had been trying to deal with an existential crisis — trying to figure out who I am, what I stand for, and what is the purpose of all I do. How can I be truly happy? As I struggled to answer these questions, I was sometimes overcome with restlessness and anxiety.
This year, that changed.
I came to a realization that I have been pursuing the wrong thing. I have been chasing happiness — but happiness is fleeting, and it depends on things that are mostly not in my control.
Instead, I should have been working towards getting peace of mind, the inner tranquility. Peace of mind persists longer. Achieving it takes more effort — but I can achieve it on my own, by trying to do things which are in my control.
Am I there yet? Not quite. But by doing the following things has brought me closer.
- Remove Toxicity
I realized that there are two kinds of toxicity around us, inner and outer.
Inner toxicity stems from our envy of others. Comparing ourself to others brings a lot of unhappiness. Our aim should be to become better than our past self — by getting to know ourself better, by learning new things, by sleeping-eating-exercising well, by being creative, by being helpful to others, and so on.
Outer toxicity stems from the people who bring unhappiness to you. Some people like to be unhappy, and like to play a victim. You can try to help them. However, sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t make them happy. It is important to realize that it is not your duty to make them happy. Then, there are those who will dislike you no matter what. You can’t control other peoples behavior. Do not waste your life seeking someone else’s validation.
If someone is a continuous source of negativity and unhappiness in your life, cut them off. Cutting toxic people off is one of the most difficult thing to do, but the most impactful too.
2. Move forward
We all have our own problems and troubling thoughts — regrets about the past, worries about the future, bad health, a job that we hate, relationship problems, financial problems, and so on.
These problems can make life difficult and suffocating. It is natural to be upset about them. We need to give outlet to our feelings, by crying, speaking to others, writing things down — whatever it takes.
But then, we have to move forward. We should not get into the victim mentality of “why me?” — instead, we should ask, “What is the best thing I can do now?”
We should not be trapped by our circumstances, but move forward working with whatever we have.
3. Keep Balance
Being overly ambitious and competitive can bring anxiety and frustration. Being too content can bring boredom, and a feeling of worthlessness. Keeping a balance between these two extremes is important.
We need to balance between the quality of current life, and our preparation for future life. Compromising drastically on the quality of current life, so that we can live a better life in the future can lead to misery. On the other hand, if we do not live within our means, we will forever be broke and worried about the future.
One needs to find a middle ground between being overly frugal and living extravagantly. We should save just enough for the quality of life we want to live in future.
4. Experience our Existence
Sometimes, no matter what we do, our life can become insufferable. In those moments, we need to realize that being alive is an anomaly, not something we are entitled to. Death is inevitable, and our time here is short.
We should never stop being astonished by the miracle of being alive, being able to experience this universe. Nothing about our life is ordinary, except our thinking that it is.
©Sheetal Mehata
